We're back with the third of four lessons I learned in my first four years of business, and what I wish I’d done differently.
When I stepped into the business space, I was hungry. I wanted to land clients, make my mark, and earn an income that matched my expertise.
(Weren’t we all sold the promise that we could replace our corporate salaries in 90 days? Or was that just the version I bought into?)
So I hustled. I tried to meet people, get known, build relationships—and in the process, I moved too fast and pushed too hard.
Early on, I was introduced to a CPA who referred me to my first-ever COO client. I was thrilled. So when I was looking to make more connections, I name-dropped that CPA in a few conversations, hoping to open new doors.
It backfired.
She was angry. Not because she didn’t believe in my work, but because she didn’t trust me yet. She’d been burned before. And even though she thought I was capable, I hadn’t earned the kind of relationship capital I was spending.
I told my coach what happened, and she gave me a piece of advice I’ve never forgotten:
You can’t hotwire relationships.
The moment she said it, I knew exactly what had happened. I had tried to jumpstart something that needed time.
And just like that, I flashed back to college.
My freshman year, I joined a sorority trying to find a place where I belonged. And even as a member, me not fitting in would be an understatement, but I was doing my best to find connection. During the next year’s recruitment, I met a potential new member I really clicked with. I got excited. But then I pushed too hard, told her things I wasn’t supposed to say about how much we wanted her in the chapter.
I thought I was going to get a little sister.
Instead, I got a complaint and a warning from the Standards Board.
I had overstepped. Too much, too soon.
I hadn’t built the foundations of the relationship yet.
So when my coach gave me that advice, it touched a core wound of mine, but I knew I had to stop trying to squeeze relationships into some ideal timeline.
So instead of pushing for clients, I slowed down.
I joined communities and groups—but not to sell.
I joined to learn, about marketing, about writing, about sales.
To listen.
To connect.
To be of service.
And over time, I started to find my people. Not because I followed a script.
But because I showed up.
I built relationships one conversation at a time. One intro message. One LinkedIn comment. One purchase of someone’s program whom I genuinely wanted to learn from.
Sometimes it took months, and sometimes it took years. But I stopped trying to make it go faster.
I started being helpful just because I could.
And over time, people started coming back. They referred. They asked for help. One call at a time, one offer to help at a time, trust started to take root.
That slow, steady rhythm became the foundation of my business.
One of my strongest collaborations came from this rhythm. I met my podcast co-host Meg through a community (I don't even remember which one!). Two years ago, I offered her a newsletter takeover to promote her book. We didn’t know each other well, but it felt aligned.
We joined another community together.
I hired her for SEO support.
Then, she joined my membership.
It was later that we realized we could create something together, the Aggressively Human podcast. We’re growing together as co-hosts.
And, of course, I send her any client I can.
That kind of relationship doesn’t come from a pitch. None of this happened in a week. Or even a quarter. It unfolded over years.
These days, I give a lot.
I make introductions, share tools, showcase the cool things my clients and community are doing. But it’s not performative, and it’s not transactional. I do it because I want the people around me to succeed. I’m thankful that I have the capacity to make connections and be in genuine service and support of others and am delighted to do it.
Now, when I ask for support, people say yes. Not because they owe me, but because we’re in relationship. Because we’ve built something slowly, with deep roots of respect and care.
Growing up, I didn’t know how to make friends. I kept my nose in my books, obsessed over my grades and homework. But it turns out that the thirst for learning, for connecting dots, for connecting people, has turned out to be one of my greatest assets in business. And while I'm rarely the most magnetic person in the room, I don't have to be. I have to be the one willing to show up for others, check in with the people I care about, and deepen relationships over time.
Those real relationships—ones built on trust, not tactics—have become the bedrock of my work.
They’ve taken time. More time than I expected. But they’ve made everything else possible. Referrals. Collaborations. Opportunities. Community.
If Lesson 1 was about the right business model, and Lesson 2 was witnessing patterns in how you deliver, this one is about something even more foundational:
Developing the relationships that hold it all together.
And the truth is—you can’t hotwire them.
You can’t rush them.
You can only build them one connection, one conversation at a time.
So if something in your business feels stuck, ask yourself: am I trying to move faster than trust will let me?
P.S. - if you’re looking to build the rhythms of relationships in your business, join us for Sacred Sales Hour in the Membership or this month's Deeper Business Dialogue, all about sales rhythms.